MULTIPLE GT SYNDROME
URGENT: FROM THE CENTER FOR DISEASE CONTROL (CDC)
Scientist at the Center For Disease Control (CDC) are alarmed by recent reports of an outbreak of a new strain of virus causing otherwise normal adults, principally males, to acquire numerous high perfomance cars, often a variety of makes, but most recently and specifically, 2005 and 2006 Ford GTs. The virus, known as "secondGTacquirus," which seems to have incubated at a recent GT "Rally" and spread to various Ford afficianados, causes current Ford GT owners to acquire a second, third, or even fourth Ford GT, usually in different colors. Scientists working at the CDC had no comment other than stating "we've never seen this type of out break spread so quickly. Otherwise healthy, normal men are buying GTs at an unprecendented rate, even though some have no intention of driving them."
A second strain of the virus, called Gtacquirus/Heffneritis, causes GT owners to keep a "stock" car and convert a second one to a car with earth shattering performance. Various auto journals testing the Heffneritus cars have been seen walking away from the test car in a stupor over the car's split personality of being a docile street machine one minute, and a possible land speed record car the next. At this point no journalist has come down with secondGTacquirus. Scientists say that could be due to the fact that most journalist are cheap asses to begin with.
Signs or indications that a GT owner is likely to succumb to the illness usually start with the owner remarking how nice it would be to have a "driver" car while cleaning his current one. Other symptoms usually appear when a current GT owner is caught staring at a car with a different color, and heard mumbling "maybe I should have bought a (insert one) black, blue, yellow car instead."
Some patients appear normal, but are heard repeating "this one's off to Jason, this one's off to Jason" while being admitted to the CDC facility.
A few secondGTacquirus sufferers have actually sold a second or third car, only to break down in cold sweats, hives, and tremors. These patients have been known to scour the internet and car club circuit looking for additional GTs to replace their sold car. Only one patient is known to have disposed of all of his GTs and survived without replacing them. He is, however, residing in a mental institution wearing a straight jacket, muttering to himself "it's not a GT40, it's a GT."
Scientists working on a vaccine are not optimistic. "With Ford out of the supercar market, most of these patients are doomed to buy, drive, and trade '05 and '06 GTs. They feel there will never be more of them, so they have to hoard the good ones out there," said Dr. I. M. Drivin, Chief epidemiologist at the CDC, himself a GT afficianado. Some in the research community think Dr. Drivin is getting in too deep with his research. Shortly after this interview,Dr. Drivin was heard talking to two GT dealers about no stripe cars.
One patient summed up his dilemma saying "they're rare, beautiful, fast, and expensive. But two GTs, even three of four are still cheaper than two wives."
URGENT: FROM THE CENTER FOR DISEASE CONTROL (CDC)
Scientist at the Center For Disease Control (CDC) are alarmed by recent reports of an outbreak of a new strain of virus causing otherwise normal adults, principally males, to acquire numerous high perfomance cars, often a variety of makes, but most recently and specifically, 2005 and 2006 Ford GTs. The virus, known as "secondGTacquirus," which seems to have incubated at a recent GT "Rally" and spread to various Ford afficianados, causes current Ford GT owners to acquire a second, third, or even fourth Ford GT, usually in different colors. Scientists working at the CDC had no comment other than stating "we've never seen this type of out break spread so quickly. Otherwise healthy, normal men are buying GTs at an unprecendented rate, even though some have no intention of driving them."
A second strain of the virus, called Gtacquirus/Heffneritis, causes GT owners to keep a "stock" car and convert a second one to a car with earth shattering performance. Various auto journals testing the Heffneritus cars have been seen walking away from the test car in a stupor over the car's split personality of being a docile street machine one minute, and a possible land speed record car the next. At this point no journalist has come down with secondGTacquirus. Scientists say that could be due to the fact that most journalist are cheap asses to begin with.
Signs or indications that a GT owner is likely to succumb to the illness usually start with the owner remarking how nice it would be to have a "driver" car while cleaning his current one. Other symptoms usually appear when a current GT owner is caught staring at a car with a different color, and heard mumbling "maybe I should have bought a (insert one) black, blue, yellow car instead."
Some patients appear normal, but are heard repeating "this one's off to Jason, this one's off to Jason" while being admitted to the CDC facility.
A few secondGTacquirus sufferers have actually sold a second or third car, only to break down in cold sweats, hives, and tremors. These patients have been known to scour the internet and car club circuit looking for additional GTs to replace their sold car. Only one patient is known to have disposed of all of his GTs and survived without replacing them. He is, however, residing in a mental institution wearing a straight jacket, muttering to himself "it's not a GT40, it's a GT."
Scientists working on a vaccine are not optimistic. "With Ford out of the supercar market, most of these patients are doomed to buy, drive, and trade '05 and '06 GTs. They feel there will never be more of them, so they have to hoard the good ones out there," said Dr. I. M. Drivin, Chief epidemiologist at the CDC, himself a GT afficianado. Some in the research community think Dr. Drivin is getting in too deep with his research. Shortly after this interview,Dr. Drivin was heard talking to two GT dealers about no stripe cars.
One patient summed up his dilemma saying "they're rare, beautiful, fast, and expensive. But two GTs, even three of four are still cheaper than two wives."
