A lawyer dies.......


N

Neilda

GT Owner
Oct 19, 2005
3,559
London, UK
A lawyer dies, and (surprisingly) winds up in Heaven.

St. Peter greets him, "Hello! ...we've been waiting some time for you to arrive, we thought you'd never get here!"

Lawyer: "You have? ...why?"

St.P "Well, you're the oldest lawyer ever to have lived; we were expecting you over 100 years ago!"

Lawyer: "Really? ...but I'm not that old!"

St.P: "Our records show that you're over 359 years old."

Lawyer: "No. I'm only 73!"

St.P: "We go by billable hours."
 
The longest journey must begin with a single step.

A lawyer dies.......

Well........................that's a start.

Chip
 
ChipBeck said:
A lawyer dies.......

Well........................that's a start.
Click to expand...

My thoughts exactly
 
Great communicator quote.

Ronald Reagan once said, "If you took every attorney in the United States of America and laid them all end to end......It would probably be a good thing".

Chip


P.S. I know we have some distinguished members who are practicing attorneys. I hope you take this humor as lightly as I take all of the car salesman and auto dealer jokes!
 
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Neilda said:
St.P: "We go by billable hours."
Click to expand...


Aaaaaaaaah! No diff than an auto dealer's service dept then!

As Johnny Carson would say, "I did not know that."
 
I think putting all attorneys in a single bucket is unfair. The ambulance chasers and the likes are scum :thumbsdow, but corporate & patent attorneys are a breed of their own :thumbsup.
 
..................still thinking................still thinking...............okay Mom, I don't have anything nice to say so I won't say anything at all.
 
oh boy. I can see this thread going south reallllllly fast!:frown

So let me help....

A lawyer and a snake are both hit by a car and killed. What's the difference between them?















there are skid marks leading up to the body of the snake.:lol
 
ChipBeck said:
Ronald Reagan once said, "If you took every attorney in the United States of America and laid them all end to end......It would probably be a good thing".

Chip


P.S. I know we have some distinguished members who are practicing attorneys. I hope you take this humor as lightly as I take all of the car salesman and auto dealer jokes!
Click to expand...

Even though some truth exists!:wink
 
ChipBeck said:
P.S. I know we have some distinguished members who are practicing attorneys. I hope you take this humor as lightly as I take all of the car salesman and auto dealer jokes!
Click to expand...

Being a lawyer myself (Business, Commercial and Corporate), I take lawyer jokes like everyone else, if there's humour (Queen's English) in them, I'll laugh until I stop :wink. That one's an oldie but a goodie. So my fave goes like this:

What's the difference between a lawyer and an angry chicken?

















One clucks defiance. :biggrin
 
Superfly said:
Being a lawyer myself (Business, Commercial and Corporate), I take lawyer jokes like everyone else, if there's humour (Queen's English) in them, I'll laugh until I stop :wink. That one's an oldie but a goodie. So my fave goes like this:

What's the difference between a lawyer and an angry chicken?


One clucks defiance. :biggrin
Click to expand...



Hey, 'fly - what's the difference between a lawyer & a liar?









...pronunciation! (Sorry! That one just cracks me up for some reason! My bad! :lol)
 
'Favorite lawyer story...


'Lawyer interviewing a coroner in court:

L: 'So, you're sure the deceased was actually dead before you started the autopsy?'

C. 'Yes'

L. 'Did you check for a pulse before starting the proceedure?'

C. 'No.'

L. 'Then he COULD have been alive for all you know?'

C. 'No.'

L. 'How can you be so sure?'

C. 'Because his brain was in a jar on my desk.'

L. 'So, what you're saying is there's no chance at all he could have been alive then, much less now?'

C. 'Well, I suppose it IS possible he could presently be practicing law someplace.'


OUCH!!!
 
Too funny.

Empty Pockets said:
L. 'Then he COULD have been alive for all you know?'

C. 'No.'

L. 'How can you be so sure?'

C. 'Because his brain was in a jar on my desk.'
Click to expand...

:lol :lol :lol :lol :lol
 
My Favorite!

Bill the Lawyer dies,:banana and in his dieing breath all he ask is that each one of his lawyer friends throw one hundred dollars in his open casket as a sign of their long friendship.
Lawyer #1 approaches the open casket pulls out a fresh one hundred dollar bill throws it in and says "Bill, you were always crazy but a good friend so here!" Lawyer #2 says "Heck Bill I owed you 100 from golf anyway so take this new 100 dollar bill and enjoy" Lawyer #3 slowly slides up to the casket and reaches into his pocket and takes out a check made out to Bill for 300 dollars throws it in and takes the 2 fresh 100.00 dollar bills and just SMILES!!!!!:cheers:cheers

Lawyers!!!!!!

Larry
 
"One useless man is called a disgrace. Two or more are called a law firm."
John Adams 1776
 
There is just too many...
 

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To ALL the above....:lol:lol:lol:lol:lol:lol:lol:
 
You walk into an elevator. Before the door closes Adolph Hitler, Saddam Hussein, and a lawyer enter. You have a gun with only two bullets. What do you do?

































Shoot the lawyer twice.:banana
 
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