Morning Humor


FM99

GT Owner
Mark IV Lifetime
Mar 4, 2008
132
Iowa
Dave
Dave works hard at the plant and spends two nights each week bowling, and plays golf every Saturday. His wife thinks he’s pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.
The doorman at the club greets them and says “Hey, Dave! How ya doin?”
His wife is puzzled and asks if he’s been to this club before. “Oh no,” says Dave. “He’s on my bowling team.”
When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he’d like his usual, and brings over a Budweiser.
His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, “How did she know that you drink Budweiser?”
“I recognizer her. She’s a waitress from the golf club. I always have a Bud after the first nine.”
A stripper than comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, starts to rub herself all over him and says, “Hi Davey, Want your usual table dance, big boy?”
Dave’s wife, now furious grabs her purse and storms out of the club.
Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.
Dave tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every four-letter word in the book.
The cabby turns around and says, “Geez Dave, you picked up a real witch this time!”
 

FM99

GT Owner
Mark IV Lifetime
Mar 4, 2008
132
Iowa
The Lone Ranger
The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After thy got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep. Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, “Kemo Sabe, look toward the sky, what you see?” The Lone Ranger replies, “I see millions of stars.” “What that tell you?” asks Tonto. The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, “Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.
“Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Metrologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What’s it tell you, Tonto?”
“You dumber than buffalo dung. It means someone stole the tent!”