A thief in Paris...

[Empty Pockets]

A thief in Paris planned to steal some paintings from the Louvre.
After careful planning, he got past security, stole the paintings and made it safely to his van.
However, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas.
When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied,
"Monsieur, that is the reason I stole the painting ..... I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."


(And you thought I didn't have De Gaulle to post this. Well, I figured I had nothing Toulouse.)

 

[Neilda]

An octopus walks into a bar and says 'I can play ANY musical instrument you like'. Englishman gives him a guitar which he plays better than Hendrix. Irishman gives him a piano which he plays better than Elton . Scotsman throws him a set of bag pipes. The octopus fumbles about for a couple of minutes and the Scotsman says 'Whats wrong - can ye no play it?'. The octopus says 'Play it ? -I'm gonna f*ck her brains out once I get her pyjamas off !'.