I
IT'S TIME AGAIN FOR YOUR MAN'S ANNUAL "AM I GAY?" EXAMINATION
>
>1. If you are over thirty five, and you have a washboard stomach, you
> are gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and you
> have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing
> the Oprah diet.
>
>
>2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaaming Homo. A cat is like a dog,
> but gay -- it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a
> delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed.
> And just think about how you call a dog... "Killer, come here! I said
> get your ass over here, Killer!" Now think about how you call a
> cat..."Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!" Jeeezus, you're fit to be
> framed, you're so gay.
>
>
>3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such
> nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks On
> bar-b-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs
> feet, or tits. Anything else and you are in training to suck El Dicko
> and undeniably a fag.
>
>
>4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a
> parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is
> his bathroom; he craps and urinates where he pleases.
>
>
>5. If you drink decaf coffee, you like a high hard one in the poop
> chute. A straight man will never be heard ordering a "Decaf Soy Latte".
> If you've put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you've had a man there,
> too.
>
>
>6. If you know more than six names of colors or four different types of
> dessert, you might as well be handing out free passes to your ass.
> A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of
> that crap as well as all the names of all the players in the major
> league, NBA,NFL, NHL, college ball, PGA and NASCAR. If you can pick out
> chartreuse or you know what a "fressier" is you're gay. And if you can name
> ANY type of Textile other than denim, you are faggadocious.
>
>
>7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to
> tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at
> a slow-ass driver or to cut the punk off. The rest of the time he needs
> that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, hold his beer,
> scratch his balls, or play with his broad in the passenger seat.
IT'S TIME AGAIN FOR YOUR MAN'S ANNUAL "AM I GAY?" EXAMINATION
>
>1. If you are over thirty five, and you have a washboard stomach, you
> are gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and you
> have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing
> the Oprah diet.
>
>
>2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaaming Homo. A cat is like a dog,
> but gay -- it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a
> delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed.
> And just think about how you call a dog... "Killer, come here! I said
> get your ass over here, Killer!" Now think about how you call a
> cat..."Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!" Jeeezus, you're fit to be
> framed, you're so gay.
>
>
>3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such
> nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks On
> bar-b-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs
> feet, or tits. Anything else and you are in training to suck El Dicko
> and undeniably a fag.
>
>
>4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a
> parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is
> his bathroom; he craps and urinates where he pleases.
>
>
>5. If you drink decaf coffee, you like a high hard one in the poop
> chute. A straight man will never be heard ordering a "Decaf Soy Latte".
> If you've put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you've had a man there,
> too.
>
>
>6. If you know more than six names of colors or four different types of
> dessert, you might as well be handing out free passes to your ass.
> A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of
> that crap as well as all the names of all the players in the major
> league, NBA,NFL, NHL, college ball, PGA and NASCAR. If you can pick out
> chartreuse or you know what a "fressier" is you're gay. And if you can name
> ANY type of Textile other than denim, you are faggadocious.
>
>
>7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to
> tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at
> a slow-ass driver or to cut the punk off. The rest of the time he needs
> that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, hold his beer,
> scratch his balls, or play with his broad in the passenger seat.
