The popular school of thought, certainly in these days of fiscal conservatism, is that you own two cars, an extremely economical daily driver and then the car that represents your true automotive passion. You may wish to drive a Ford Focus to the office…and a Caliber with a crate HEMI to visit friends.
If, however, you are equipping yourself to drive a Ford GT to the office, speeches to the general public about the car requires several rehearsed responses to very predictable questions. This is not unlike what we learn as parents in order to communicate with our children:
i. “Yes, sweetheart, fire bad…vegetables good.”
ii. “That is not a bathing suit…that is a band-aid.”
iii. “I’m sure he is very nice, but habitual offenders are often not the best friends to have.”
iv. “No, a stapler injury does not constitute a work disability.”
Driving a Ford GT to the office is not, however, without complexities. Aside from the inevitable and time consuming questions from the public, there are issues as to where to park, how to manage inclement weather and how to explain that you cannot bring eleven lawn chairs to the company picnic in the trunk.
Let us first address the inevitable and consistent questions that you will inevitably receive as well as my recommendations for your response to each:
1. “Just how fast is that thing?”
Answer: “Very.”
2. “What is that underneath the rear glass?”
Answer: “It is a washer-dryer combo unit.”
3. “Over time, does the noise level not hurt your ears?”
Answer: “….I’m sorry…what?”
4. “How much horsepower does that car have?”
Answer: “It is not measured in horsepower but in gigawatts from the flux capacitor.”
5. “That thing got a HEMI?”
Answer: “Yes…two.”
6. “I’ll bet that was very expensive.”
Answer: “You’ll have to ask the owner. Unfortunately, he’s still at the precinct reporting it stolen.”
Driving the GT to work requires knowledge of advanced NASCAR techniques. Driving in the rain is variously referred to as “skateboarding,” “hockey puck on an oil slick,” “hydroplaning while blindfolded” or most commonly “Dear Lord, I should not have had so much coffee.” Regardless of your preferred term, the message is the same: you cannot ignore road conditions and arrive safely. You respect the vehicle, and it may decide to let you live.
Finding adequate parking requires diplomacy as well as skill. Park 300 yards from the closest car is an invitation for everyone to join you in that distant location. People love you and cannot stand to be far from you. All you have done is make yourself walk further to the building.
Covering the car in the parking lot is an exceptionally good idea. It keeps out rain, sun and meteor showers. However, it does not preserve the car.
A covered car is like a Christmas present that is stamped “DO NOT SHAKE.” I think you see where I am going. The lumps you see under the car cover are most often small people that perceive the cover is a pup tent. You invited more trouble than you avoided.
I highly recommend parking at a diagonal and occupying as many parking spaces as possible. This will endear you to the masses who respect your buying power and feel no malicious envy whatsoever. I recommend this as well as 3M Clear Bra which may help obviate some of the consequent attempted keying of all side panels.
Sadly, your best bet is to park normally, occupy your own space and invest the remainder of your time in prayer.
The route to and from the office is arguably the most important decision. If you live too close to the office, it seems absurd to drive your Ford GT. If you live too far from the office, it seems absurd to drive your GT. For the chosen few who live 5-10 miles from the office, do not have to take the interstate (complete with its airborne shrapnel), they must find a route that does not involve long delays in traffic (brutal), inordinate speed bumps (anxiety provoking), radar calibration areas, or school loading.
Driving a GT to work, however, makes a great deal more sense than keeping it in the garage. While the Ford GT may never age, you will. Trust me. You can preserve the car for the next fellow, and on behalf of those who have bought well-preserved cars, we sincerely thank you.
But, clearly, you bought the car for what it meant to you, and, honestly, it just does not mean as much sitting in the garage.
If, however, you are equipping yourself to drive a Ford GT to the office, speeches to the general public about the car requires several rehearsed responses to very predictable questions. This is not unlike what we learn as parents in order to communicate with our children:
i. “Yes, sweetheart, fire bad…vegetables good.”
ii. “That is not a bathing suit…that is a band-aid.”
iii. “I’m sure he is very nice, but habitual offenders are often not the best friends to have.”
iv. “No, a stapler injury does not constitute a work disability.”
Driving a Ford GT to the office is not, however, without complexities. Aside from the inevitable and time consuming questions from the public, there are issues as to where to park, how to manage inclement weather and how to explain that you cannot bring eleven lawn chairs to the company picnic in the trunk.
Let us first address the inevitable and consistent questions that you will inevitably receive as well as my recommendations for your response to each:
1. “Just how fast is that thing?”
Answer: “Very.”
2. “What is that underneath the rear glass?”
Answer: “It is a washer-dryer combo unit.”
3. “Over time, does the noise level not hurt your ears?”
Answer: “….I’m sorry…what?”
4. “How much horsepower does that car have?”
Answer: “It is not measured in horsepower but in gigawatts from the flux capacitor.”
5. “That thing got a HEMI?”
Answer: “Yes…two.”
6. “I’ll bet that was very expensive.”
Answer: “You’ll have to ask the owner. Unfortunately, he’s still at the precinct reporting it stolen.”
Driving the GT to work requires knowledge of advanced NASCAR techniques. Driving in the rain is variously referred to as “skateboarding,” “hockey puck on an oil slick,” “hydroplaning while blindfolded” or most commonly “Dear Lord, I should not have had so much coffee.” Regardless of your preferred term, the message is the same: you cannot ignore road conditions and arrive safely. You respect the vehicle, and it may decide to let you live.
Finding adequate parking requires diplomacy as well as skill. Park 300 yards from the closest car is an invitation for everyone to join you in that distant location. People love you and cannot stand to be far from you. All you have done is make yourself walk further to the building.
Covering the car in the parking lot is an exceptionally good idea. It keeps out rain, sun and meteor showers. However, it does not preserve the car.
A covered car is like a Christmas present that is stamped “DO NOT SHAKE.” I think you see where I am going. The lumps you see under the car cover are most often small people that perceive the cover is a pup tent. You invited more trouble than you avoided.
I highly recommend parking at a diagonal and occupying as many parking spaces as possible. This will endear you to the masses who respect your buying power and feel no malicious envy whatsoever. I recommend this as well as 3M Clear Bra which may help obviate some of the consequent attempted keying of all side panels.
Sadly, your best bet is to park normally, occupy your own space and invest the remainder of your time in prayer.
The route to and from the office is arguably the most important decision. If you live too close to the office, it seems absurd to drive your Ford GT. If you live too far from the office, it seems absurd to drive your GT. For the chosen few who live 5-10 miles from the office, do not have to take the interstate (complete with its airborne shrapnel), they must find a route that does not involve long delays in traffic (brutal), inordinate speed bumps (anxiety provoking), radar calibration areas, or school loading.
Driving a GT to work, however, makes a great deal more sense than keeping it in the garage. While the Ford GT may never age, you will. Trust me. You can preserve the car for the next fellow, and on behalf of those who have bought well-preserved cars, we sincerely thank you.
But, clearly, you bought the car for what it meant to you, and, honestly, it just does not mean as much sitting in the garage.
